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The Light Under the Door

by Tsar Fedorsky

Somewhere in America. Countrysyide.
Streets, wooden houses, landscape.
People, pets, cars.
Inside: Desk, chair, bed.
Sideboard, curtain, Pictures on the wall.

A way to live.
But do you want it that way, can you?
That's what Tsar Fedorsky asks herself.

Of course that must not be of interest for us, were there not the pictures. Has Tsar Fedorsky even made them? I dont think so. I guess it was a sleepwalker, who shows her how painfully strange the familiar has become, who projects her as stranger into the familiar surroundings, makes clear, how necessary it is to look for new ways of living and also knows how hard it can be to say good-bye.

It's hard to find words for the dramatic and poetic quality of this book, but I remember one great song by Patti Smith that perfectly reflects the ambivalent feelings between doubt, fear, hope and renewal that we encounter in THE LIGHT UNDER THE DOOR.


The song is called JUST LIKE YOU and it goes like this:

Can't be righted, til you've been wronged
Can't rise up, til you have fallen

Can't spread your wings, til you have crawled
Can't have a calling, til you've been called

I woke up, and so many fears
Have made their way across my face

Just like you, just like any other
Wondrin', should I even bother

I woke up, looked at my face
So filled with doubt, just a disgrace
The water of life, filling the sink
You're thirsty child, so drink

And I walked out into the street
Stumbling the path so hard to be
Littered with the heart's debris
Crying out loud: Who's calling me
Answering: Child, you got the gall
To even ask, least you've been called

So I entered the field, cleared some land
And over a creek I layed some stone
Bowed my footin' and then knelt down
And felt the grasp of the sun above
Offering a hand and I got up

Just like you, just like any other
Exchanging one way for another

And I woke up and so many fears
Had died and dried and in their place
A crazy kind of hope embraced
Chased the tears across my face

Work to be done, worlds to parade
Debths to be paid, debths to be paid

The hard path glitters

Am I glad to go?
'Fraid so, 'fraid so


And just as powerful, ineviteable, sad and true is THE LIGHT UNDER THE DOOR.